laura claridge

i'm a huge death note fan, so props for writing a fan fiction :) I really liked it. There were a few mistakes littered about, but i couldn't find any ...

I'm not great at poetry, so I can't really critic on the layout and stuff. But the last line, maybe you could split it into separate lines? After the other ...

OKay, first up, there were lyrics in there, right? Maybe you could italic them to separate them from the story. I got a bit confused at some points trying to ...

Yay the brother makes an apperance ^__^ Overall, i loved it. Now I sit here and wait for the next chapter. And then I'll probably go off to school and ...

At first I couldn't wait for his soft lips to caresses mine just caress That was a really nice poem. When it first started going dark, I was a bit ...

She trust him too much trusts in their honeymoon, wouldn't it be on their honeymoon? do you know where I come from?” Maybe you could word this differently. Came instead ...

clues of beats. what are beats?? Do you mean beatings ? called to her a young boy A young boy called to her. Then, the boy began to kick her, ...

You know i like all your stuff. No different here. And here I was, avoiding going home and explaining why I had been picked up by the cops after skipping ...

Wow. I really like this. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I liked the way it rhymed. It adds a sort of magical quality to it, which ...

First up, I enjoyed reading this. But maybe you should put it in separate lines. The one big line was hard to read. I'm not too big one the whole ...

why? you don't really need a question mark here. I really liked this. I loved the way some bits rhymed. It's a very deep, thought-provoking poem. the only thing i ...

I'm back because i was intrigued by the first chapter :D Again with the paragraphing. For me, seeing just one big block of writing is un-nerving and hard to read, ...

i've never liked halo much :? so I'm not too sure of the whole plot, keeping in character thing here. but i will say that you could maybe paragraph your ...

i liked the way it ended ^__^ even though it really confused me for a bit there. i hate the song too. a universal thing perhaps? Uh.. male/female? it doesn't ...

Serena also took out Ceres, glancing at the bitchip as it glowed briefly, she hesitated for a second, then steeled herself, and abruptly walked into the trees.“See you later Kai." ...